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August 5th, 2011


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06:04 pm - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Я получила лингвистический оргазм!!!
IF YOU CAN CORRECTLY PRONOUNCE EVERY WORD IN THIS POEM, YOU WILL BE SPEAKING ENGLISH BETTER THAN 90% OF THE NATIVE ENGLISH SPEAKERS IN THE WORLD. AFTER TRYING THE VERSES, A FRENCHMAN SAID HE’D PREFER SIX MONTHS OF HARD LABOUR TO READING SIX LINES ALOUD. TRY THEM YOURSELF.

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

- B. Shaw

(27 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:father_trixter
Date:August 5th, 2011 08:12 pm (UTC)
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ничего не понял, спасибо
[User Picture]
From:gandzilka
Date:August 5th, 2011 08:27 pm (UTC)
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это... это просто эпически! в шапке написано - 90% англоязычных сами правильно стих прочитать не могут. кароч, весь стих - набор слов (в рифму!) с похожим написанием но разным произношением... оно настолько кльовое, шо я сейчас захлебнусь от восторгов...
[User Picture]
From:father_trixter
Date:August 5th, 2011 08:29 pm (UTC)
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"захлебнусь от восторгов..." - у меня пошлые мысли)
[User Picture]
From:gandzilka
Date:August 5th, 2011 08:30 pm (UTC)
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это все из-за слова "оргазм" в тексте поста...
[User Picture]
From:father_trixter
Date:August 5th, 2011 08:31 pm (UTC)
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бля..я его не видел
[User Picture]
From:gandzilka
Date:August 5th, 2011 08:32 pm (UTC)
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а на подсознании отложилось ггг
[User Picture]
From:father_trixter
Date:August 5th, 2011 08:34 pm (UTC)
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оргазм он такой.. всё подсознание норовит заляпать..
[User Picture]
From:gandzilka
Date:August 5th, 2011 08:42 pm (UTC)
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твое подсознание заляпаешь, ага...
[User Picture]
From:father_trixter
Date:August 5th, 2011 08:43 pm (UTC)
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ты даже не пробовала)
[User Picture]
From:gandzilka
Date:August 5th, 2011 08:53 pm (UTC)
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мы все еще про подсознание говорим?
[User Picture]
From:father_trixter
Date:August 5th, 2011 09:12 pm (UTC)
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а то!
[User Picture]
From:gandzilka
Date:August 5th, 2011 09:18 pm (UTC)
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вот и зря..
[User Picture]
From:father_trixter
Date:August 5th, 2011 09:21 pm (UTC)
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а с тобой про другое не интересно..
[User Picture]
From:gandzilka
Date:August 5th, 2011 09:23 pm (UTC)
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хм. про подсознание интересно, значит :)
[User Picture]
From:roscata
Date:August 6th, 2011 04:56 am (UTC)
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Половину осилила) Дальше уже буквы перед глазами запрыгали)
[User Picture]
From:gandzilka
Date:August 6th, 2011 07:11 pm (UTC)
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я не могла прочитать процентов 10... пришлось лезть в словарь...
[User Picture]
From:lady_engineer
Date:August 6th, 2011 12:31 pm (UTC)
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слушай, прелесть какая. я, правда, запуталась в буквах де-то на середине, но это гениально!
[User Picture]
From:gandzilka
Date:August 6th, 2011 07:10 pm (UTC)
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это волшебно! не знаю, как мне до этого не попадался этот стих, но я закапала слюнями умиленья весь стол )))
[User Picture]
From:lady_engineer
Date:August 6th, 2011 07:23 pm (UTC)
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и мне раньше не попадался :)
кинула себе в мордокнигу, буду ждать отзывов от парочки америкосов, там присутствующих ))) интересно мне, они сами-то осилят?
[User Picture]
From:gandzilka
Date:August 6th, 2011 07:25 pm (UTC)
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я смотрела в словаре ок. 10% (англ. филолог)
[User Picture]
From:lady_engineer
Date:August 6th, 2011 07:47 pm (UTC)
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мне чуть поболе пришлось - по долгу службы в основном пользую технический английский )) а словарный запас с учебы тот, что не пользуется, имеет свойство забываться
хотя, практически все принципы пронансиейшна помню )))
[User Picture]
From:corpse_wife
Date:October 20th, 2011 08:16 am (UTC)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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круто! это даже круче чем
"Three swiss witch-bitches, which wished to be switched swiss
witch-bitches, watch three swiss Swatch watch switches. Which swiss
witch-bitch, which wishes to be a switched swiss witch-bitch, wishes
to watch which swiss Swatch watch switch?"
[User Picture]
From:gandzilka
Date:October 20th, 2011 01:16 pm (UTC)

Re: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Link)
шикарно!
[User Picture]
From:koshambr_a
Date:October 20th, 2011 08:40 am (UTC)
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Отлично!
утащу )
[User Picture]
From:gandzilka
Date:October 20th, 2011 01:15 pm (UTC)
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На здоровье!
[User Picture]
From:elhutto
Date:October 20th, 2011 09:30 am (UTC)
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О! Давно его читал и потерял - и долго искал и не мог найти. До сегодняшнего дня.
[User Picture]
From:gandzilka
Date:October 20th, 2011 01:15 pm (UTC)
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рада что вы снова друг друга нашли )))

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